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Friday, July 29, 2016

yeah kids consume your life

I was told yesterday that "kids shouldn't run our life".. I have pondered on this now for a bit and slept on it.. And I have my own thoughts on what this means to me. 

He was right.. Kids shouldn't run our life..

Kids should consume it. Having a child isn't a novelty thing.. It's not for fun.. It's not for shits and giggles. You have children because you decided at some point that you wanted to leave a legacy. That you wanted to become a parent. That you wanted to be a teacher. That you wanted to complete something. 

You have kids to breath life into someone, teach them, mold them, make them a reputable member of society. You pray for them.. You love them.. You feed them.. Dress them. 

Life as you knew it is over when they arrive. 

I remember having my son. I remember him being placed on my chest. I was a stupid 18 year old kid. I had no idea what having a child meant. I could not even fathom what was going to happen to me. I thought I was in love with the person whom I was having Issak with.. But my goodness what happened to my heart when I saw that boy.. The feeling can not be described in words. It's a feeling I have felt three wonderful times.. It's the feeling of your heart expanding.. Making more room for love to fill it. 

When they are not with me... I am not complete. I very seldom use sitters.. I don't do things they can not do.. Because I want them with me. My life is not complete without them. I am not whole without them. 

For those of us who have children... Do me a favor.. When you think about going out on a Friday night because you need a break.. Call it a break. Don't say your children shouldn't run your life... Because chances are.. They already do. And if they don't.. Honey you're doing it wrong. 



Thursday, July 28, 2016

missing him


I don't blog often enough. I have to remind myself that it helps clear my thoughts... Or reset my brain if you will. Sometimes thoughts flow and you need to just put them on paper for everyone to see. 

You see I've had this month from hell. I know many know my grandfather passed away.. Beyond what an amazing man he was.. And what he meant to everyone else's life he touched... He was my grandfather.. My pa pa. My second everything. I still cry thinking of losing him. I haven't been able to talk about him without crying. I wear his shirt to bed.. I can still feel His presence at my grandmothers. I can hear him yelling about the liner of the pool.. Or hearing his testimony as to why I need to return to church. (I'm working on this) 

I can't put into words how much I miss this man. His presence. His voice.. And the way he loved me at times I didn't think anyone would. I lost my best friend. 

So I'll leave everyone with that.. A thought of his Donald Duck voice.. And how it's coming up on a month without him.. And I still feel like I am living in a fairy tale. 

I love you more than words my pa pa. 

Busy bee Jess