Down and out

You ever have such a busy life and busy schedule that when the end of the week comes, you look back wondering what you really accomplished?? Yeah that is where I am at right now. I am just so tired of busy ness. Sometimes I feel like I can't even enjoy the family I have created. You know it is not just my schedule.. My husband is pretty busy as well.. I know other families go through this rut, but I almost feel like the rut is never ending. Work and trying get fit, excercising, baths healthy dinners etc.. Sometimes its just too much. I honestly feel like sometimes I am drowning. Please do not mistake this for complaining, because I am not. I love my kids, my husband, my house, my life, but some days I am so bombarded, overwhelmed, and just.... well... tired. I know other people go through this.. Is there a way to organize your life more? I don't have gaps to put things most of the time. I know this wil get better, but at this moment, I am just B L A H

Never....and I mean EVER again

I will do everything in my power to help in anyway possible to find a cure for CF, because the hurt and pain i see it cause, it just shouldn't exist.... People haven't even heard of Cystic Fibrosis... I can't be idle anymore.. I can't wait for someone else to do it.. If not our team then who?? To find a cure money is needed.. follow my link and donate!! PLEASE! Don't let another child die from CF!! Please

http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=6915&idUser=340374


ANDERSONS ARMY ALL THE WAY

LETS DO THIS THING!!

RIP CONNER JONES... Stay safe in Gods arms.. Breathe Free..


Busy Bee
J

Because it makes us stronger....

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball...a problem... People say that God only gives us what we can handle. People say the strong just keep getting stronger. What if we are all strong enough??

I have seen heartache through so many others eyes lately, that it hurts my heart. The pain of a child dying is 1 thing, but to see it in such an abundance.. well frankly.. IT SUCKS! Sids, and CF, and Heart conditions taking our precious children.

It makes me thankful, but at the same time makes me hurt. I don't want others to suffer.. I don't want others to have to go through this pain. I know Gods grace is there, but what if they do not?

So this is a moment of silence, for those who have been lost or sick lately... For Marcus,and Mina, for Connor who's is still with us fighting one breath at a time. Everyone breathe deep, and sigh that you have your family, you are safe, and you've made it through another day... And say a silent blessing to these tiny babies...Babies that have/are struggling...And kiss your children one extra time tonight.

Live everyday like it is your last.... Say kind things, love like its going to run out, and breathe...breathe because you can!

BELIEVE AND IT WILL BE
Busy Bee
J

A new chapter of life...

At times I sit back and think about my life, sometimes just because and other times there is a monumental event that happens.. a catastrophe.. a bad moment, that makes me look in retrospect to what my life is all about. I think that on certain points the person i had become was not the person i envisioned myself as becoming. Getting down to the logistics of it.... I was disappointed in me. Disappointed in my life, and disappointed in general. This of course came about because of a big "catastrophe" where i behaved ... well stupid... just plain stupid that's the only way I can even begin to compare or talk about the way it happened and the way i was.

I think the thing is that life is SO stressful at times, that you can actually forget about the simple things that make it special. The overwhelmingness ( i made this word up LOL) that is life takes a hold, and its full throttle 90 mil;es an hour constantly.. without looking back or seeing what we have mowed down in the process.. Whether it be our friends, family or our marriage.

For most people when it gets to this point they don't even realize it until its too late, and they are left in the dust trying to pick up the many pieces of life..Thankfully I saw it happening in slow motion, mind you, right in front of me...

I didn't like who i was becoming and the negative effect that I was having on the family around me.

So jump in postive changes.... I started re reading and studying hard some of the lessons out of our last Relief Society book, and i stumbled across the Lesson on Eternal Marriage.. Its funny because it is Joseph Smiths recillection of his own Marriage, and of how he treated his family and most of all how he treated his wife. It's fair to say that I still find myself learning so much from him.. even though i think I have learned all there is to learn, i feel his spirit guiding me to re read his thoughts and actions.. and What a blessing it has been...

I am starting to focus on the "JOY". The happy points of my life, the blessings that I have received etc.. The Simple Joys that my husband gives me everyday, and telling him those joys to ensure that he knows that I see the good.. (even if that particular day we are surrounded by bad) I am taking pride in my home, and loving my family. Not sweating the small stuff.. WHO CARES if maddy is whining.. she will whine and she will get over it.. theres no reason to stress. Everything will get taken care of eventually.. no matter what happens.

These small changes have made such an immense difference in my marriage, in my children, in my heart. I swear it has grown 4 times in the last week. I have so much love pulsing through it that its crazy. I have missed my husband.. truly missed him to the point of pain, and almost wanting to cry, I haven't missed him like that in years. Not to say that I loved him less or more, but the way I feel for him now is truley different than any other time in our marriage.

I do not plan on changing anything back to the way i was, nor do i say that everything is just changes in me, other things have changed as well, in him. I hope this is what the future holds because i know that i can live everyday knowing I am coming home to this happiness.

Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. First Corinthians 11:11

I will Find Joy, Find it in all things, So then i may find Peace.

Peace and love to all
Busy Bee J

Why i have chosen this..

I have so much to do when a day starts...Getting up at 5 am, and literally hitting the floor running, knowing that breakfast has to be done.. bags packed.. Issak (for now) loaded.. drive to gallatin.. drive to work.. work, pump, work, pump, work, pump, leave, get kids go home ( 2 hours later) dinner, baths, nurse, bedtime routine... QUIET!!!! and at this point its usually 10 or after... Can I get an Amen out there if your day is like this??

but having other people ask me why, that's confusing.. is it not obvious?? Why do I work my butt off like a crazy woman during the week?? For my kids of course... So Issak can go to that cool summer camp, So Maddy can get outside time, AND most importantly, so mom can get a break... Work... a break you say... YES that's what I said.. see although being at home is nice because you get that one on one time with your children, I guess for me its easier to work. Because when I get home, I eat up my time with them. I honestly understand the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I miss my kids when I am at work, but I love my job and what I do, so it makes it easier to say goodbye...

Our arrangement at home for now is CRAZY!!! Jonathon works until 12 gets home around 2, gets up at 9 with the kids (Morgan and Maddy), and drops them off at a friends at 3. I get home at 6.. so other than seeing him sleep.. we have no relationship right now.. we talk via text and email and a very occasional phone call.. I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL!!!! but as f now there is really no way to change this...

Its stressful.. I am an emotional wreck a lot of time, I miss my husband, and I am extremely lonely..

BUT my kids are AWESOME!.. Gotta be the glass half full kind of person... appreciating the fact that I have food in my cup boards, great friends, and 3 of the most terrific kids ever. I HAVE to have something to look forward to in life.. otherwise, I would keel over..

"It's easy to get discouraged when things are going badly, but we shouldn't;t lose heart, because the grace of God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, it just may be the smoke signal that summons the Grace of God"

Here's looking up KID!!
Busy Bee
J :)

The first day, and much more

So... I cried... like a baby! Yup.. nursing Morgan at 5:30 this morning I cried... It literally broke my heart to leave her.

BUT.. I got in the car, and what... what was that??

NOTHING???

You mean quiet??

OH MY! I like this quiet, I like it a lot!!

Pumping went well also. SO i am in a good mood! Can not sleep due to my hubby being gone, but I will live!

Might I say that we hit a turning point now that he has a job. I am so fortunate to have a husband who would do anything for us.

Issak has a game Thursday and I will soon after post pictures.

Nothing much else new. I must say this...

My bestie Jessica, she is amazing. She is a role model, an awesome mom, a great friend, and someone I am lucky to have in my life! Words can not express how thankful for her I am.. :0 She does so much for my family, and I am honored to have her as a friend..

I will update more later!

Busy Bee
J

Sad but good....

Today was my last day at home with the kids before going back to work.... I have mixed emotions... I am excited to see my friends, but sad to leave my family. Morgan nurses full time, and i am so afraid of messing it up.. she is doing SO well. She is very attached to me. I am attached to her as well. It's going to be hard, but I have to do whats best for my family.

Anyone else ever been through this?? I have never felt this distraught about going back to work before... I have spent the later part of the day bawling with my husband consoling me. I feel like....

a bad mom
an idiot for crying cause I am going back to work.
like I am leaving my baby high and dry...
and just plain ol' sad...

I know this will pass, but with the way our lives are going to be until June, I must say I am already stressed. Jon is going to be working at nights now from 4 to 12.. The job is temporary, and we do not know when he will get his other job back. Its a scary situation, and a tiring one as well... Please keep my family in your prayers as we go through this difficult transition!

Busy Bee
J