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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

and..... its just .......well It is a new beginning of a new book, but it just sucks





You make me happy whether you know it or not
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start
I am so happy knowing you are the one
That I want for the rest of my days, for the rest of my days


I guess I should revise the above lyrics to say I am so happy that you are the friend that i've got for the rest of my days....

So I have this friend.. and let me say she is the best. She makes me smile and laugh and just be... See it sucks because I didn't get the chance to grow up with her, or know her in school, or hang out with her as regularly as i would have liked to until the last few years. Its kind of like I have found this diamond in the rough. This person who shines a whole new light on things for me, and she was there all along, but i didn't know her. Because of her, my entire perspective on life has changed. I am going to do something amazing with my life, and some of that is because of Shauna. The risks and amazing adventures we have had, well they have been just that..amazing. Stuff I would have never even thought of doing without her. I can chalk my tattoo addiction up to her... (Thanks for the expensive hobby dear ;p) Ya see, I have few friends that I consider true friends... Yeah I have those acquaintances and stuff, but the ones that i truly love and care deeply for fit on one hand. These friends are usually the ones who have profoundly inspired me and continue to inspire.. and they know who they are, I tell them regularly...I know I am not losing this friend, she is just going to be a little farther away than i would like..When I say.."I am going to miss her" its not one of those things I am saying because it is the right thing to say... I am seriously going to miss her. I think she will be taking a small piece of me to Chattanooga with her...

Missing you will hurt, but I know the adventures that are before you are great, and I know you will see me soon. You will be my forever friend, and I am lucky to have you in my life.... ALWAYS remember



Hello Darlin’

I see the pain you grow

And you’re just wantin’

To have a hand to hold

Securities unsettling

And Faiths not what you’d thought it be

So clear your mind

The answer you will find


And I know you’ll be Alright

And your tears will fade in time

And if you walk inside these lines

I will hold your hand tonight

In this light

You’ll be Alright


He’s no prince charmin’

But I love him anyway..

I know you’re askin’

What price will be paid..

It’s all a mixed philosophy

When heart and mind they don’t agree

Just give me time

To say goodbye



And I know you’ll be Alright

And your tears will fade in time

And if you walk inside these lines

I will hold your hand tonight

In this light

You’ll be Alright


Blurring lines of love

Pain it’s caused, emersed

Prayer forgotten, let it go..let it go



And I know you’ll be Alright

And your tears will fade in time

And if you walk inside these lines

I will hold your hand tonight

In this light

You’ll be Alright












I love you :)
J

Thursday, July 7, 2011

would it be ok




"I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours
It's simply radiant,
I feel more with everyday that goes by
I watch the clock to make my timing just right
Would it be okay?
Would it be okay if I took your breath away?
And I'm wasting away,
away from you."


I can't sleep... I just lay awake a lot of the time staring at my ceiling. Thinking of everything. everything I could be doing, how I am going to feel in the morning due to the lack of sleep. What I can do with the kids, what I can do for myself... etc. I am desperate need of a vacation. Get away with my husband, who can't see this. I want to go somewhere for a couple of days and just relax. Sleep in, and never leave my hotel room. Is that so wrong? Probably would be nice to have a dependable sitter to count on for that one eh??? Sigh, I think my head is overwhelmed right now. with a ton of different stuff.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

I have been baking. Gosh I love it. I have been cooking and baking away my feelings.. ha ha cup cakes, bread, cake, you name it and I bet I have made it. Not good for my diet, BUT great for my morale.











Why can't life and big decisions, and everything be easier.... Why can't everyday be an awesome day, and I be swept off of my feet daily, and feel connections, and love, and gratitude, and.... something...

I think i need to write a book.. ha ha ha


Monday, July 4, 2011

Facing the wall, in a box




working on a song... thought I'd share... with no music, its pretty lame I guess, but when you are solo on your music projects, well I guess that's what it is until you can find someone to give your story actual meaning (music).. and right now I am solo.. just writing



Get prettied up
Hoping they'll notice, praying that maybe this time
lost a few pounds...
Maybe they'll see, say something... anything

Desire is there
maybe it was, but its gone, confusion sets in
"you're so beautiful"
I believed it, not sure why, it was a lie


Chorus:
At night I face a wall
outdated, and dusty
a toy, stuck in a box
my tears won't subside
I am lost...

what can I do
facing this wall, its hurting, killing me
You just can't see
this shell of me, empty... empty


Chorus:
At night I face a wall
outdated, and dusty
a toy, stuck in a box
my tears won't subside
I am lost...


Bridge:
Help me to live, help me to see, fill up this empty part of me...
remove this wall, breakdown this box... see what you are missing..
can't you see what you are missing when you sleep?


Chorus:
At night I face a wall
outdated, and dusty
a toy, stuck in a box
my tears won't subside
I am lost...

I am lost