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Thursday, September 29, 2011

So.. about that...

Love love love love love

I get so lost, sometimes

Days pass they pass and this emptiness fills my heart

When I want to run away I drive off in my car

But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

WWWOOOOOWWWW.. sometimes life is just ridiculously overwhelming... and I am sitting here realizing that I am not in the place I want to be. depressing.. well yeah, of course.. Mainly its a realization I am glad I have come to. So now there is a the question, where in fact, do I want to be... Well see, that's just it.. I am not sure. As far as my job, I am good there, I do like where I am, and the potential it holds as well as the people and friends I have made in just a little over a month. BUT.. there are things that I love that I am missing out on. There used to be a time that all I wanted to do was paint... FOR HOURS.. and I am pretty good at it, as well as drawing, and other crafty things. I haven't scrap booked in almost 2 years. Why?? I do not make time for me... the time I make consists of grocery shopping, or the occasional trip out with my girl friends. I used to be this amazing cultural, artistic person, and I feel like she is still here, but I am letting myself dissapear to support other peoples dreams.. my kids, and my husbands.. So now.. I am starting a plan.. As long as my job turns out the way I believe it will, I want to take some art classes, as well as make more time for music. My music... I want to write, as well as learn and work with other instruments... I know I can do amazing things... I believe in me, even if I have others surrounding me who do not. What worries me is I only have so much "mmmpphhh" in my step.. There is only so many times I can tell my self I am talented and feed myself the "lines" I need to make myself believe it.... without others support, or just reminding me what I truly am capable of, well I will lose my drive and stamina... Complacency at its finest.. which is where I am at now... I need help.....