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Friday, May 21, 2010

Why i have chosen this..

I have so much to do when a day starts...Getting up at 5 am, and literally hitting the floor running, knowing that breakfast has to be done.. bags packed.. Issak (for now) loaded.. drive to gallatin.. drive to work.. work, pump, work, pump, work, pump, leave, get kids go home ( 2 hours later) dinner, baths, nurse, bedtime routine... QUIET!!!! and at this point its usually 10 or after... Can I get an Amen out there if your day is like this??

but having other people ask me why, that's confusing.. is it not obvious?? Why do I work my butt off like a crazy woman during the week?? For my kids of course... So Issak can go to that cool summer camp, So Maddy can get outside time, AND most importantly, so mom can get a break... Work... a break you say... YES that's what I said.. see although being at home is nice because you get that one on one time with your children, I guess for me its easier to work. Because when I get home, I eat up my time with them. I honestly understand the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I miss my kids when I am at work, but I love my job and what I do, so it makes it easier to say goodbye...

Our arrangement at home for now is CRAZY!!! Jonathon works until 12 gets home around 2, gets up at 9 with the kids (Morgan and Maddy), and drops them off at a friends at 3. I get home at 6.. so other than seeing him sleep.. we have no relationship right now.. we talk via text and email and a very occasional phone call.. I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL!!!! but as f now there is really no way to change this...

Its stressful.. I am an emotional wreck a lot of time, I miss my husband, and I am extremely lonely..

BUT my kids are AWESOME!.. Gotta be the glass half full kind of person... appreciating the fact that I have food in my cup boards, great friends, and 3 of the most terrific kids ever. I HAVE to have something to look forward to in life.. otherwise, I would keel over..

"It's easy to get discouraged when things are going badly, but we shouldn't;t lose heart, because the grace of God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, it just may be the smoke signal that summons the Grace of God"

Here's looking up KID!!
Busy Bee
J :)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The first day, and much more

So... I cried... like a baby! Yup.. nursing Morgan at 5:30 this morning I cried... It literally broke my heart to leave her.

BUT.. I got in the car, and what... what was that??


You mean quiet??

OH MY! I like this quiet, I like it a lot!!

Pumping went well also. SO i am in a good mood! Can not sleep due to my hubby being gone, but I will live!

Might I say that we hit a turning point now that he has a job. I am so fortunate to have a husband who would do anything for us.

Issak has a game Thursday and I will soon after post pictures.

Nothing much else new. I must say this...

My bestie Jessica, she is amazing. She is a role model, an awesome mom, a great friend, and someone I am lucky to have in my life! Words can not express how thankful for her I am.. :0 She does so much for my family, and I am honored to have her as a friend..

I will update more later!

Busy Bee

Monday, May 10, 2010

Sad but good....

Today was my last day at home with the kids before going back to work.... I have mixed emotions... I am excited to see my friends, but sad to leave my family. Morgan nurses full time, and i am so afraid of messing it up.. she is doing SO well. She is very attached to me. I am attached to her as well. It's going to be hard, but I have to do whats best for my family.

Anyone else ever been through this?? I have never felt this distraught about going back to work before... I have spent the later part of the day bawling with my husband consoling me. I feel like....

a bad mom
an idiot for crying cause I am going back to work.
like I am leaving my baby high and dry...
and just plain ol' sad...

I know this will pass, but with the way our lives are going to be until June, I must say I am already stressed. Jon is going to be working at nights now from 4 to 12.. The job is temporary, and we do not know when he will get his other job back. Its a scary situation, and a tiring one as well... Please keep my family in your prayers as we go through this difficult transition!

Busy Bee

Friday, May 7, 2010

The dugout mom lifestyle

As all of you are aware my son now plays baseball. Boy does this make for a very interesting lifestyle! Thursday night games, Saturday day games, pictures, washing uniforms, etc... SHEW!!!! BUT totally worth it!! I am so completely proud of my little t-baller. Hitting those balls and running like a banshee!

A little story.. First game, Issak is up to bat he hits the ball line drive down the center and begins to run... makes it to first, and my sweet precious little man, well what did he do?? He continued to run following the grass all the way back around the back part of the field, until making it to home. I laughed so hard I thought I might pee. When he got off the field, He informed he had won! And in my eyes he ALWAYS wins. Such a sweetie!!

When life gives you lemons....

Why is it when things are going well.... something has to change? Maybe this is just my experience, but at times I feel like my luck has faltered. Honestly maybe luck is a thing of disproportion. Maybe its something I can not reach. Then again I think that God does all for a reason, and faith through him should help me understand that things will work out.

Ya see the flood.. the flood happened, and although our home is standing and we are safe, Jon's work did not survive. It was drowning in about 6 feet of water for days. SO this in turn put him out of a job. Its wonderful having him home, and getting to spend quality time together, BUT the no money thing.. yeah not so hot!

I am going back to work Tuesday. I have mixed emotions. I am glad to see some friends, glad to get out, and glad to have some freedom. BUT I am going to miss my kids something awful. Especially the nursing bond I have with Morgan. However, This is whats going to work for my family for now... (Yeah I have already been tearing up quite a bit)

I am going to post pictures of Nashville on here that I have got online. This tragedy is the most devastating thing I have seen in quite sometime this close to home. Its scary to think that a few miles from my own home, people were stuck in their cars. I am glad that the only thing Jon lost was his job. I still think if that Saturday would have been a working one, what would have happened.

God Bless and prayers to everyone affected:
Busy Bee J