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Friday, May 27, 2011

As the world spins, Sometimes.. I just wanna stop...

I'll be true, I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

This month has been a trying month. Pretty sure its been because of my busy schedule as well as Jon having to work a lot of the weekends and the end of school coming. You ever have that time of the year that you blink and its gone? Well that has been this month. I am baffled that it is almost June.

I literally had something on my calendar every single weekend Since the middle of April. Birthday parties, weddings, graduations, dinners, bachelorette parties, fittings, etc etc.... I stay at home with my kids during the day, so i have been spending a ton of time with them, but as far as my husband and I go, we really haven't had good quality time together in the last 4 weeks.

It makes a relationship challenging when you do not have adequate time for one another because of either work or other obligations. In all honesty, it makes me love him more. I cherish the time we do get to spend together alone more because it has been such a long time since we have had time together. I can not, however, say its not completely frustrating... It is... Sometimes I feel like the world is spinning around me and I just want to stop for a moment and be with just him... no kids, no obligations... just time....

I love it when he is in a song writers mood (and I am not sick with allergies). We stay up late and write music, and I get to hear him play. He is so talented, more than he could ever begin to give himself credit for, and its funny because when I tell him this, he laughs. He just has no idea. We have a good thing going with music when we are actually blessed with time when we are not both exhausted, which has not been lately. Sleep hasn't been coming to the Harris house due to sick little girls and Tornado's. (anyone else SO over this weather??)Sometimes I feel like the world is spinning around me and I just want to stop for a moment and be with just him... no kids, no obligations... just time....

I do not tell him enough that I appreciate his sacrifices. We made a lot when I started staying at home, and he has to work a lot harder because of it, but it truly has been a great decision that has benefited the kids tremendously. Plus I am kinda sure he loves the house being cleaned and having a home cooked meal when he gets home.. WHEN and IF we both actually get to sit down together and have a meal... Sometimes I feel like the world is spinning around me and I just want to stop for a moment and be with just him... no kids, no obligations... just time....

All in all my husband is kinda awesome, and I am blessed he chose me out of everyone in the world. I am blessed to have an amazing family with him. I wouldn't change it at all..unless I had the ability to stop everything for 5 min...

Everyone stay safe, hug your other half, make them feel how much you love them, don't let time pass... The time may be approaching where you can't anymore. I am not sure what my future holds in some aspect, but i know it hold my family, and Jonathon by side...

Heaven is here
And tonight we are the only ones who feel it <3

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My Grandpa

Growing up in a small town, with a mom who worked 50 plus hours a week, and a dad who worked nights and two jobs at times, I don't remember a lot about my childhood (i had terrific parents and an awesome brother but this blogs not about them right now)... BUT i remember my grandpa. I remember swimming with him, and him slipping me certs in Sacrament meeting. I remember him taking me for a ride on the lawn mower, and teaching me how to wash a car. I remember him raking HUGE piles of leaves just so I could jump in them. I remember him playing baseball with me, and pushing me off the diving board. My pa pa taught me how to climb a tree, how to paint, how to inflate a tire. He used to sneak and let me drive on his road before I could drive. He would take me to McDonald's for cheeseburgers. Tell me funny jokes and stories, read me stories from the bible... As i got older I remember other things about him... i remember when he took my grandmother to the temple and finally got sealed. I remember his testimony.. I remember when he had his heart attack, and i remember seeing him in the hospital and crying my eyes out thinking I'd never see him alive again. I remember him when I had Issak and him crying and telling me how beautiful he was, and how he knew I'd be an amazing mother. I remember the day I moved to Mississippi and seeing him cry in my rear view mirror as i drove away, and seeing him cry the day I moved back. He has been my rock, my pa pa, my substitute dad, my best friend, my happiness, my everything. If something happened to him, I would be a shell. I love my grandfather more than words can say... This blog can't even begin to do him justice. He truly is one of the best gifts I have on this earth. I am so blessed to call him my papa.

I love you so much pa pa. Forever and always. God will provide. GOD WILL PROVIDE.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

sleeples in gallatin continued.....

Wednesday last week began my sleepless extravaganza. Jon was out at a concert and i was home... Daycare kids were picked up extremely late, so this started off my night late.... Morgan has been on breathing treatments off and on for the better part of April and May due to pneumonia, bronchitis, allergies, etc... The treatment is a nebulized steroid so sleep doesn't come much after she gets it.. Wednesday Maddy was being beautimous and decided that she would stay up until 12. Morgan however decided she would go to sleep at 8 and proceed to wake up every 10 min until 10 then get up and stay up until 12:15 am. I finally had to let her cry herself to sleep... i laid down and Jon got home about 20 min later... taking a shower etc.. at 2 am Morgan woke again, waking Issak and Maddy along with her. Thursday was worse... the entire day she cried and was very clingy. She wanted me to hold her pretty much all day... her breathing got worse. I spent 80% of the day on the phone with her pediatrician... that night was a little better in the fact i went to bed at 11, and was only woke up 5 times resulting in Morgan literally sleeping on my chest for the rest of the night. Friday was my break day... Jon's mom came and let me get out as I was on the verge of a nervous break down between that and my great grandfather being admitted to CCU, it was a little much, i came home and made dinner gave Morgan a treatment and had Erin's rehearsal dinner so I left, and it was daddies turn... According to Jon this night wasn't any better, Morgan laid down late. I went to bed about 1 am Saturday morning, because when i got home at 11, Morgan was awake. I got up at 6 because Saturday was Erin's big day.. (on a side note .. what an amazing day it was) the day was full of awesomeness, and we got home about 11 that night... Morgan woke up once and I had to give her a treatment, but she went back to sleep and woke up at 8.... When i got up i felt like a truck had hit me.. all the late bedtimes and sleepless nights hit me all at one.. Jon told me i looked like walking dead... at 10 I laid down and slept for 2 hours trying to hold Morgan all the while... FYI a baby on albuterol doesn't liked to be held.. like at all... She was tossing and turning and all over the place the entire nap, so restful isn't the word... we went to bed that night around 830..she woke up multiple times throughout the night... then came last night... OH EM GEE... we laid Morgan down around 7 i went to the grocery, when i came home that's when it started, the screaming out, and crying.. every 5 min for 3 hours she did this... it took me 2 hours to get the groceries put away due to this... Jon had taken 2 benadryl cause he was so sick and he was dead to the world... in and out up and down...i ended up doing this with her until 12:45 in the morning... Jon ended up going to sleep on the couch and I stayed up until finally at 1:35 she fell asleep. She woke up again at 4:30 then again at 6:45...and has been up ever since... I am so exhausted I can barely walk straight... sigh... I doubt my body can handle anymore sleepless nights so please pray my little girl gets better... she has been so sick with this breathing crap for so long that I am OVER it....

You SUCK allergies...

On a side note because she has been sick and contagious I haven't gone to the hospital for my great grandpa in fear Ill give him something from her.... Please pray for him... he isn't responsive and isn't really there

Sleepless in Gallatin... Kinda wish i was in Seattle

At least if I were in Seattle.. I could get a glimpse of the mc's :)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mothers day

A quick view of why I am so happy and amazed to be a mother

Issak Alexander Harris born November 26th 2003 8 lb 7.5 oz loved him from the moment I met him.... My sweet boy...

Madalynn Kate Harris August 29th 2007 (like 2 weeks late) 10 lbs 3.5 oz I swear words can not express the first look at a child you didn;t think you would ever have... She was my miracle...and still is

Last but not least Morgan Elisabeth Harris February 11th 2010 8 lb 5 oz.. Ahhh sweet Morgan... This girl makes my heart grow more and more everyday... I fall in love with her constantly... She is amazing

Happiness, like most things, comes from mothers.
An amniotic universe is rare.
Paradises aren't found with others,
Perhaps because we must breathe our own air.
Yet even after paradise, we find
Mothers are a bath of warm affection.
Only mothers' love is truly blind
To guarantee all errant souls protection.
However we find love, it can be only
Evanescences of memories
Retained from when we never could be lonely,
'Ere we left our mother's outsized knees.
So good it is to have that happiness
Designed to grace each subsequent caress,
All future love and joy to underlie,
Yearning backwards towards a mother's sigh.

May everyone have a beautiful Mothers day

Some things you didn't know

I feel like opening up a little tonight.. Maybe its cause I am here alone, and Jon's out doing something really cool, or maybe its because I have allllll these crazy ideas in my head, or maybe its because a friend recently told me that I don't talk about a certain side of myself... Whatever it may be, I am going to attempt to get a few things out...

My life as a mom started incredibly young... I was 18 when I had Issak. I spent the end of my senior year pregnant and my entire freshman year of college pregnant. and then in November I had a healthy baby boy, and my life as i knew it was over. Was it a bad thing.. No. It was a blessing, and I never would trade it for anything, but i will say it again, it was over. I then think my life I think became a blur... 4 miscarriages, a hard HARD second pregnancy producing my sweet sweet Maddy, dramatic weight loss, and a "OMG I PREGNANT" pregnancy that flew and gave us Morgan.

I know on some level, I am supposed to be something more than I am, and it wasn't until recently that I found a piece of what I think I want. I want to experiment with things, and express myself through writing songs. i want to sing... loud or soft and hit notes I usually only hit when I am driving down the road alone. I want to draw, and color and paint.. I want to play around with my clothes and my hair and make changes inside that make me smile... I want to express myself in art that people can see, and do stuff unexpected.. like zip lining, or cutting all my hair off... I want to be more of the organic person that comes across naturally. i want to do all of this with my husband... I want to share our talents and make something beautiful out of it. I want to be for others what i see in my mirror..

I never realized how liberating it is to write a song.. even if it has no significant meaning.. A song is so powerful and can be everything to someone. To know that I may have the ability to write this song.. well now can you see why its liberating??

I dunno.. I am just thankful after years of thinking and procrastinating, that now I have the opportunity to make up for lost time.. anywhoo Just a few things.. and here are a few pics of how I have been living lately

Zip Lining

Our Band the Strother Pass

Yes it is a tattoo. For many a thing..

Enjoying my husband..

and enjoying telling "you" about it

Busy Bee J