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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Distort as you please

"The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul, or we get fat" Einstein To realize one persons accomplishments, you have to take a step beck. It isn't always about what you're doing. The thing is we all get caught up in our own crap. We don't stop and see beyond our own stuff to realize what we may be doing could hurt another person. Lets talk about how it feels to not be supported by people around you. Many of you know my parents aren't close by, and my brother as well. I do not hear much from them.. I have accepted this for what it is. I am the "out of sight out of mind child". I know they love me, but it would be nice to have my parents around. Now i have my family here, and Jon's family as well. My grandparents are my family for the most part. I am just feeling a little "empty". Let me explain a little further. Jon and I started a band a while ago. We wrote music together and had multiple gigs that NONE of neither our families came out to. No support from any one but our friends. Which I am ok with, or was. But how heavy a heart I have when I see my husband go out with other bands, other people, that are not me..and get his families support. Again, do I think this is done on purpose.. no. Or at least I surely hope not. I think its what i said above.. You have to take a step back and say.. hmm how does this look. My dreams are valid. My dreams are worth something as well. I may lack the talent that others posses, but I try. I thought I was trying enough, but apparently that is not the case. In my home, I am the biggest part of the family. I am mom. I am the caregiver, the nurse, the cook, the everything. My family (children and husband) make me feel that everyday. When I leave this house however, I feel like a stand in, that people think will be replaced. Is this dumb? Probably, and mainly in my head.. probably. I have a habit of doing that lately. I just wanted to get this off my chest.. Feeling left out and out of the loop because of people you love, its a really hard place to be in, and to get over. Hopefully I can get over this sooner rather than later, and hey who knows maybe after 15 years of marriage, maybe I will be thought of as a staying member.. J