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Friday, April 20, 2012

Choices, choices

Having a child with ADHD is hard. No, it is not Cancer, or a terminal illness, its not Autism, and its not something more sever, but it is hard. My son has ADHD. for those who do not know Kids with ADHD act without thinking, are hyperactive, and have trouble focusing. They may understand what's expected of them but have trouble following through because they can't sit still, pay attention, or attend to details. When we first started going to a psychologist we were convinced medicating was our only option. It was the worse decision I as a parent have ever made. My son was no longer my son, he was a shell. It makes me cry to think about it now, honestly, and it is something do not like speaking about much either, but I feel as if I need to tell my story so others know what they can expect as parents with a child who has ADD or ADHD. Issak lost almost 15 lbs. (all of the ADHD meds suppress your appetite) As you all are aware, Issak is a small child anyway, so this was a problem. We tried 3 different medication, up'ed doses, lowered doses etc.. non giving us what we needed. This was ridiculously expensive as well. 50 dollars a month, not counting the therapist appointments etc. Yet the teachers at school still complained. So after him being on the medication for all of kindergarten, and a few weeks of first grade, Jon and I decided that medication was not for us. We took him off everything, and told no one. I didn't want Issak labeled. Unfortunately, I had to eventually tell the teacher, it made a difference and she did notice. His first grade teacher had a daughter with ADHD, so thankfully she understood me, and empathized with me. Let me reiterate here with this, My son is an EXTREMELY good student. He makes straight A's, and has a 4th grade reading level. Even with having ADHD. Issak started 2nd grade this year and actually has his kindergarten teacher as his 2nd grade teacher. I thought this would be wonderful. She was great as his kindergarten teacher, however, remember now, Issak was medicated then. AT our first parent teacher conference she commented multiple times about how she felt he still needed the medication, and it benefited him, helped him focus, etc. I asked her if his behavior was bad, no no its not bad, he just has problems focusing. Issak has to change his card when he acts out. meaning, when he speaks, laughs, tells someone to stop poking him, etc.. When he does something that the teacher deems "major" like jokingly try to squirt someone at lunch with his milk, but not actually doing it. They send him to the vice principal who decides throwing him in the MIA room is the best option. The MIA room being In School Suspension. He is 8..... 8. However up until yesterday, I have ALWAYS backed up his school, and punished accordingly, until yesterday. I got a phone call after the school day was over telling me once again my son had bad behavior. (She called me because last time he had an "incident" I never received a phone call, and I called and complained) I asked his teacher to explain, and the stuff she explained were the things I listed above. I stated so basically he was a typical 8 year old boy, where she responded with, No Issak is erratic, he behavior is intolerable. She then proceeded to tell me that since Issak's behavior was so bad he would not be allowed back into guild next year, per the principal. (Issak is rezoned because of our house location, and testing scores, etc) I think I saw red and lost it for a moment, but quickly ended the phone conversation, and called my husband. He went to the school and spoke to the Principal, who informed him that he never said that, and that he would speak to Issak's teacher.

In saying all this, I have decided that based on this school year, my son has been labeled as a problem. This is just, makes my heart sad. My son is brilliant, he is not a problem. Leaving him at this school, and having the other teachers pre judge him before he even goes in their class is dumb...

I have teacher friends who i respect, so I am asking, Why to them. When you guys have a child with ADHD, do you tell the parents they need to medicate? Do you challenge their decision? Do you make them feel like a bad parent?

Why should I as a parent have to subject the clarity of my child to make his teacher have an easier day? I shouldn't. There was no ADHD medicine 100 years ago, and teachers did fine, why are they lazy today? (not all teachers just some) It tears me up inside.

Some of my friends have children like Issak, and I say to them, help. Please tell me what I need to do. Change schools? Private school? Will his treatment be any different.

I will not medicate my child for anyone but him. Period... I want him to be him. Not a drone that a teacher desires.

Frustrated mommy...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Being grateful for things I can't change

If you're happy and you know it
clap your hands!

If you're happy and you know it
clap your hands!

If you're happy and you know it
then your face will surely show it
If you're happy and you know it
clap your hands!

Beauty is in the eye of the be holder... I behold, that my life, though not perfect, has moments of absolute joy.

This morning, I got up, and I was breathing.. JOY! I walked into my girls room, and although Maddy has peed the bed.. She wanted a hug, and asked me later to snuggle and give her kisses.
Maddy as a baby

Morgan, gosh Morgan.. I swear that little girl melts my soul. She makes me have such complete happiness. Just in her smile, and when I get home she screams "MOMMY!!!!!!!!" and she literally doesn't stop talking the entire time..

LOL Issak, he is SO smart... I swear that kid will blow your mind just with a short sentence.. Such an amazing kid..

Then my husband.. sigh.. I am so blessed.. He is leaving to go to band practice, he feels crummy.. and he says he wishes he could stay home. I wished he would've too.

I know sometimes life gets the upper hand...and we tend to focus on the negative, but I am so blessed.. in many things... My career (yes my career.. it is not a job...) My family, my lifestyle change, and living healthy, my friends.. So many positive things... :)

Take a moment to look at your life, and share your Joys every day.. My challenge to myself is to share a joy with everyone on my FB until May. Maybe I can make it an everyday habit. I challenge you to do it too!