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Thursday, September 5, 2013

But how can you be happy without cake?

It's been a while...

This year has been crazy nuts.  Let me go into the nitty gritty. 

I've literally lost me.

You see..you think you know who you are..and then something comes along and shocks you to the core. Everything you thought you knew about yourself. ..gone. in an instant. A new you..

This year has been full of heart break... misleadings..torment...turmoil..but also overwhelming love.

I have felt unrequited love for a while. Its hard loving someone who doesn't love you back the same way. Sometimes it take a catastrophic event to make them realize what they are missing. Regardless,  going through that process was draining. 

You see.. I'm a believer of the devine.. things happen for a reason.. there is always an outcome. And "he" is always 8 steps ahead. God knows what our fate will be. .. He knew before we were born. However, having continued faith that he "has this" is hard. 

Its 4 am.. and I'm wide awake. Because this is the quietest part of the day. I can sit and reflect on tons of stuff. Somethings I don't even want to reflect on.  I'm trying to give myself a moment to get back to me. Problem is... I am not sure when that will be. I need patience. I also need support and love.. and for people to not be so blind.

Sigh... I need a mind eraser... and reprogrammer that tells me.. I only like salads.. that I do not like cake.. and that I am blissfully happy.  But howwww can you be happy without cake.. ?!?!

J