Divine Chaos: Some things you didn't know

I feel like opening up a little tonight.. Maybe its cause I am here alone, and Jon's out doing something really cool, or maybe its because I have allllll these crazy ideas in my head, or maybe its because a friend recently told me that I don't talk about a certain side of myself... Whatever it may be, I am going to attempt to get a few things out...

My life as a mom started incredibly young... I was 18 when I had Issak. I spent the end of my senior year pregnant and my entire freshman year of college pregnant. and then in November I had a healthy baby boy, and my life as i knew it was over. Was it a bad thing.. No. It was a blessing, and I never would trade it for anything, but i will say it again, it was over. I then think my life I think became a blur... 4 miscarriages, a hard HARD second pregnancy producing my sweet sweet Maddy, dramatic weight loss, and a "OMG I PREGNANT" pregnancy that flew and gave us Morgan.

I know on some level, I am supposed to be something more than I am, and it wasn't until recently that I found a piece of what I think I want. I want to experiment with things, and express myself through writing songs. i want to sing... loud or soft and hit notes I usually only hit when I am driving down the road alone. I want to draw, and color and paint.. I want to play around with my clothes and my hair and make changes inside that make me smile... I want to express myself in art that people can see, and do stuff unexpected.. like zip lining, or cutting all my hair off... I want to be more of the organic person that comes across naturally. i want to do all of this with my husband... I want to share our talents and make something beautiful out of it. I want to be for others what i see in my mirror..

I never realized how liberating it is to write a song.. even if it has no significant meaning.. A song is so powerful and can be everything to someone. To know that I may have the ability to write this song.. well now can you see why its liberating??

I dunno.. I am just thankful after years of thinking and procrastinating, that now I have the opportunity to make up for lost time.. anywhoo Just a few things.. and here are a few pics of how I have been living lately